Archive for July, 2009
Buddhism for Mothers (Chapter 2)
Parenting Mindfully
“Wherever we go, wherever we remain, the results of our actions follow us.” — The Buddha
Like most moms, I tend to pride myself on my ability to multi-task. You know, talking on the phone while giving my kids a bath. Paying bills while my kids play on the floor below my desk. Thinking about my “To Do” list while reading bedtime stories….and so on. However, this “efficiency” comes at a cost. First of all, it isn’t really efficient because it’s hard to actually accomplish anything with my mind spread so thin. Today, for example, I started loading the dishwasher in the morning, sorting my mail in the afternoon, and folding laundry in the evening. Come time for bed, the dishwasher was still full of dirties, the mail was in multiple piles all over the dining room table, and I had to dump the laundry back into the empty basket just to be able to lie down.
The second cost of multi-tasking is that it prevents me from being mindful to the task at hand (whatever that may be). What does it mean to be mindful? It means “knowing what’s happening at the time it’s happening” (Napthali p. 19). For example, listening when our children speak to us, noticing our own feelings, and recognizing what’s going on around us.
Being mindful for our kids means:
- Listening to them
- Trying to understand their point of view
- Treating them with respect
- Keeping realistic expectations of our children
- Being “present” for their special and everyday moments
Being mindful for ourselves means:
- Willingness to learn from our children
- Maintaining awareness of our own feelings and needs
- Saving energy by concentrating on one task at a time
- Increasing calmness by focusing on the present
- Understanding that everything we do or say to our children will have some result
My lesson for this week: Appreciate the abundance of special moments in my life, even in the most ordinary of days.
With a “Beginner’s Mind”,
Michelle
Eco-Healthy Kids
15 ways to make your home healthier for your kids and the planet…
- Use non-toxic pest control methods whenever possible both inside and outside your home.
- Wash fruits and vegetables well before eating them.
- Make sure your home is adequately ventilated to prevent excess moisture, mold, and mildew.
- Maintain good air quality by avoiding scented candles, air-fresheners, or smoking within your home. Do not allow vehicles to idle for long periods near your home.
- Use biodegradable, non-toxic cleaning products. Avoid aerosol sprays.
- Use low-VOC household paints.
- Protect your children from lead, mercury, and radon exposure (see resources below for more information).
- Keep your furniture in good condition to help limit exposure to flame retardants in foam or stuffed furniture.
- Choose furniture made of solid wood whenever possible. Avoid particleboard.
- Vacuum daily and clean carpets and rugs at least twice a year with non-toxic, biodegradable carpet cleaners.
- Select non-toxic art supplies (look for a seal from ACMI).
- Avoid toys made from soft plastic vinyl. Look for toys labeled “PVC-free.”
- Choose “safe plastics” or glass for bottles and sippy cups.
- Avoid play equipment made with treated wood.
- Reduce, reuse, and recycle!
Web Resources:
Art & Creative Materials Institute (ACMI)
Mother Funking
I’m finally starting to come out of this funk I’ve been in for the past couple of weeks…
I thought it would be a good time to share some of my favorite de-funking ideas in the hopes they will benefit some of you other moms having a rough day (week, month, year!), and also as a gentle reminder to myself the next time I get down (because that’s exactly when I tend to forget to take care of myself)…
Just think of this list as “Self-Care for Mommies 101″:
1. Get outside. Get some fresh air and sunshine.
2. Get some exercise (even if it’s just a 5-minute walk).
3. Get some help…with cooking, cleaning, childcare, whatever you need…
4. Get some R&R. Take a nap. Take a hot bath. Take some deep breaths. Listen to some soothing music.
5. Do something nice for yourself. Get a massage or buy some new perfume.
6. Do something social. Spend time with friends and family. Do something fun — even if you don’t feel like it.
7. Have a good laugh. Read the comics or watch a funny movie. Check out one of my “Good Humor” links!
8. Accomplish something. Choose a small task from your to-do list and just do it.
9. Have a good cry…it’s rain for the brain!
10. Always, always, always remember that taking care of yourself will allow you to be a better mother!
Buddhism for Mothers (Chapter 1)
Buddhism and Motherhood
This first chapter of Buddhism for Mothers is basically a primer on Buddhism…who, what, where, when, why, and how?
The focus of this chapter is an introduction to the teachings of the Buddha, the essence of which, “is captured by the Four Noble Truths” (Napthali, p. 4) and how these teachings relate to mothering…
Truth #1. There is suffering. In other words, life is not perfect. Life brings anxiety, discomfort, and irritation. Think sleepless nights, tantrums, worries about our children’s health, and so on…
Truth #2. Attachment causes suffering. In other words, our suffering is caused by our own desires and expectations. Our desires may include unrealistic expectations of our children; wanting our children to be like us, believe like us, and act like us; or simply wanting our children to have the best clothes, the best toys, the best of everything…
Truth #3. Suffering can end. We only need to become enlightened! In my case, this is likely to take quite some time!
Truth #4. There is a path to end suffering. The path to enlightenment requires us to become wise (we must be thoughtful and understanding), ethical (we must speak, act, and live with compassion, kindness, and fairness toward others), and mentally displined (primarily through the practice meditation; more about this later in the book)…
By following this path, the author concludes that we will benefit ourselves as mothers, as well as our children.
On a personal note, the above message comes to me at a challenging time. I have been in quite the “funk” for the past two weeks. I have been mopey and short-tempered with my husband and my children. I haven’t been enjoying my children the way I “should.” I can’t quite put my finger on what is bothering me…but I think the answer lies somewhere in unrealistic expectations for myself and for others. Work is challenging and I can’t keep up with the chores at home either. I have a task list a mile long and lack the energy to put a dent in it. I want to be the “perfect mother” but don’t have the energy to do that either. I haven’t been blogging or writing as much as usual (I did, however, receive two more rejection letters from publishers this week). I’m struggling just to be “good enough” these days…
Perhaps the way out of this mess starts with the first Noble Truth…acceptance that there is and always will be suffering in this life. From there, I can move on to letting go of some of my unrealistic expectations. Clearly, I am unable to accomplish (perfectly, no less) all that is on my “to do” list at this time. I shall start with one small task per day and call that “good enough.” And I will give my kids some extra hugs and kisses…
Best Wishes,
Michelle
P.S. I hope some of you will read along with me and share your thoughts on the book, applying it to your life, and so on…
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