Posts tagged ‘play’
Playful Parenting (Chapters 8-10)
I’m determined to make my way through this book…not only because it’s a wonderful resource to me as a parent, but also because I’m itching to get on to my next book…
Chapter 8 – “Empower Girls and Connect with Boys”
This chapter is a testimonial to one of my favorite parenting quotes of all time,
“There are two things we should give our children: one is roots and the other is wings” (Hodding Carter, journalist and author).
Dr. Cohen discusses the importance of helping both girls and boys develop roots (by providing a strong foundation of nurturance and support) and wings (by promoting a sense of confidence and exploration). As you might expect, girls in our culture often lack “wings” and boys in our culture often lack “roots.” I consider myself a fairly liberal, progressive, open-minded mama…however, I’m sure I treat my two children (one of each gender) differently at times, even in the most subtle of ways. This chapter was a great reminder to give my son a few extra cuddles and loving words and my daughter some extra encouragement to run, and climb, and “fly.”
Chapter 9 – “Follow Your Child’s Lead”
Goodness…this was the hardest chapter for me so far! I have a really hard time following anyone’s lead (just ask my husband about the dance classes we took in preparation for our wedding), let alone my children. There are ultimately some kinds of “child’s play” I just don’t care for…Barbies, loud toys that make obnoxious noises, and certain board games that shall remain unnamed. But Dr. Cohen says that I should play these games anyway, when my child invites me to, at least some of the time. Why? By letting our children take the lead, we are instilling a sense of confidence and creativity. The two most helpful suggestions in this chapter (for me at least), were to 1) set aside regular playtime with children where you can do whatever they want to do (within safety constraints of course), and 2) to take time to “recover” by taking some time for yourself as a parent, to talk to other grown-ups, do something relaxing, or engage in a leisure activity you enjoy.
Chapter 10 – “Take Charge When Necessary”
The primary idea behind this chapter is that there will be times when you are unable to follow your child’s lead (as recommended in the previous chapter) and you will need to take the lead temporarily to help them get back on track. Whether your child is playing something unsafe, complaining that there’s nothing fun to do (except watch TV, of course), or avoiding connecting with you altogether, there are several tips in this chapter to help you “take charge.” My favorite suggestion in this chapter was, “Make it Fun.” In other words, there is usually some way to make even the dullest game (or task) seem fun. When my daughter doesn’t want to go outside to play, instead of nagging her to turn off the TV and get some fresh air, I could say, “Let’s go dance around in the backyard and see who can dance the silliest” or, “Let’s see if we can build a really big mountain in your sandbox. How tall do you think we could make it?” Lately, with my daughter, I’ve noticed that a little bit of reverse psychology seems to do the trick. Doesn’t want to eat her salad? I say, “Well, that’s good because we don’t want you to get any bigger or stronger anyway. I want you to stay this little forever.” Her response? “Mommy, I have to grow up (eating her salad as quickly as possible).” I wonder how long this “trick” will last.
Playful Parenting (Chapter 7)
“Reverse the Roles”
Questions for those of you reading along with me:
1. What are some “role reversal” games you could play with your child?
2. Have you ever used “role reversal” to help your child deal with a difficult situation?
3. What is your child afraid of? How could you use storytelling to help ease his or her fears?
4. When was the last time you played “let’s pretend” with your child? How did it go?
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Playful Parenting (Chapter 6)
“Learn to Roughhouse”
tendency to get really wound up. As the author points out, children
who do not get enough active play may get wild when finally given the
chance to play the way they need to. I think that may be what’s going
on with us. My husband and I have both noticed that our daughter
cooperates much better for the rest of the day, willingly takes quiet
time, etc when she has had enough physical play in the morning.
I liked the author’s comments about teaching children self-regulation
through play. The other other night I tried this with my daughter and
two other children. I was walking them all home from daycare and was
concerned they would run too far ahead of me, into a neighbor’s
driveway etc. I turned it into a game of “Red Light, Green Light” and
I would call “Red Light” whenever they got to the next driveway or the
end of the sidewalk. When I caught up with them, we would “Stop, Look,
and Listen” together and then I would call “Green Light.” The kids
were laughing and competing with each other to follow directions (stop
and go) the best….and so I was able to keep them safe at the same
time.
I also liked the author’s comments about self-soothing. I’ve never
been a big fan of “cry it out” (I think it’s more like learned
helplessness than self-soothing). I agree that children need to be
taught how to self-soothe, not left to figure it out on their own. By
the way, I found a great CD recently called “The Floppy Sleep Game“
which has two guided relaxations and a sweet lullaby for children. My
daughter asks for it almost every night and it has become a central
part of our bedtime routine. My daughter has listened to it enough
times, that she can “self-soothe” using the concepts on the CD even
when we are not listening to it.
Questions for those of you reading along with me (I know you’re out there):
1. Do you enjoy roughhousing with your children? Why or why not?
2. What do you think about Larry’s Rules for Wrestling?
3. How do you feel about “aggressive play”? Are there times when it is appropriate?
4. Do you agree with the author’s comments about the benefits of active physical play? Why or why not?
Hope to hear from you soon!
Michelle
Playful Parenting (Chapter 5)
“Follow the Giggles”
Hello,
Just thought I would post a couple of examples that “got the giggles going” with my daughter (age 4) recently:
1. Reading the book “Who said Moo?”, I mixed up all the animal sounds so that the cow said “Cock a doodle doo” and the chicks said “Oink, Oink” and so on. Lots of giggles and “do it again” and again, and again!!!
2. Potty time — not her favorite time, as she never wants to stop what she’s doing, and so she’s prone to accidents. Anyway, I asked her if she wanted to see the elephant that’s living under the bathroom
sink. We looked under the sink, and of course, no elephant. She gave me the “you’re so silly, mommy” look, so I told her she could only see the elephant if she was sitting on the potty. She got on the potty and still couldn’t see the elephant, so I said, “can’t you see it? there’s a big, green elephant right there!” Giggles, so I wen’t on….”and a purple, spotted zebra, and a pink monkey…can’t you see them?” More giggles…before she knew it, she was done going potty. The only downside? She didn’t want to get OFF the potty because she was having too much fun! Now we play the “animals under the sink” game every night at potty time.
And one for my baby (now one year old), who is now able to take a bath in the big bathtub! Variations on the song, “Gunk, gunk went the little green frog one day…”
Gunk, Gunk went the little green frog one day,
Gunk, Gunk went the little green frog,
Gunk, Gunk went the little green frog one day,
and his eyes went blink, blink, blink
Jump, Jump went the little orange fish one day…(and his fins went
swish, swish, swish)
Crawl, Crawl went the little purple turtle one day…(and his shell
went knock, knock, knock)
Dive, Dive went the little yellow duck one day…(and his bill went
quack, quack, quack)
Swim, Swim went the little gray whale one day…(and his tail went
splash, splash, splash)
I sing each verse with the appropriate squirting bath toy.
Please feel free to post your ideas for “getting the giggles going.”
Playfully yours,
Michelle
Playful Parenting (Chapter 4)
“Encourage Their Confidence”
I like how this chapter discussed the difference between healthy power (confidence) and unhealthy power. Unhealthy power can either be aggressive and bossy OR passive and fearful (powerlessness). We want to encourage our children to become confident, but without becoming too aggressive OR passive. This seems like a fine line to walk at times, for example, we want our children to be confident, even a leader…but we want them to do so without being too pushy or bossy. I guess the answer lies somewhere in “a shade of gray”….As parents, our job is to help our children learn when it’s appropriate to lead and when it’s important to follow.
Questions for those of you reading along:
1. What does “power” look like in your child? If possible, give an example of both healthy power (confidence) and unhealthy power (aggressiveness OR passiveness).
2. What can you do to encourage your child’s confidence?
3. Do you let your child win at games? Why or why not?
4. Give an example of a time you used play to help your child recover lost confidence.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely, Michelle
Playful Parenting (Chapter 3)
“Establish A Connection”
I really liked this chapter’s focus on connection and attachment parenting. I think it’s a really healthy way at looking at problem behavior…the child’s cup is empty and needs to be refilled. If you don’t fill it with positive attention, any attention will do (even negative attention).
What I struggle with most, is that my children tend to need their cups refilled most when it’s the least convenient for me (geez, that sounds bad!). For example, we call evenings “the witching hour” at our house because we’re all tired from a long day at work/school/daycare (my husband doesn’t even get home until 7:30), the pre-schooler is hungry, the baby wants to be nursed and cuddled, and everyone needs me AT THE SAME TIME (it’s nice to be needed, but come on…)how to fill everyone’s cups at once?
Other questions for those of you who may be reading along with me (feel free to post your comments at any time…anyone…anyone?):
1. How can you tell when your child is feeling “disconnected” from you?
2. How do you refill your child’s cup?
3. Give an example of a time you were able to connect with your child through play.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
Michelle
Playful Parenting (Chapter 1)
“The Value of Being a Playful Parent”…
As I read this first chapter, I had to acknowledge that I am not as playful with my children as I would like to be. I tend toward the serious and practical side…there always seems to be something (dishes, laundry, paying bills, etc.) more pressing to do than playing with my children. Alas, even when I make time to play with my children, I often feel awkward (What am I supposed to be doing now?) and rushed (When can I get back to my REAL work?).
I wholeheartedly agree with the author that play is a valuable activity (for both kids and for parents) for a variety of reasons: I do feel closer to my baby when he is giggling at one of my funny faces. I can see how putting a puzzle together with my 4-year-old helps her feel more confident and instills a sense of teamwork, (“We did it!”). I have also witnessed my 4-year-old child “working through” her emotions through play. The shot example the author gives in the book is perfect…One of my daughter’s favorite games for a while was “Doctor”. She would say, “Now I have to give you a shot, and it’s REALLY going to hurt. You need to say, Ouch! OK, Now I have to give you ANOTHER shot!” …and so on. Recently, she has become more interested in playing “school”, and she gets to be the teacher, of course!
Some questions I have for those of you who may be reading along with me (please feel free to respond to some, all, or none of these questions in your own replies):
1. Do you agree with the author that play is a valuable experience to children? Why or why not?
2. Can you give an example of a time when play helped you feel closer to your child? When play helped your child feel more confident? And/or helped your child recover from difficult emotions?
3. Do you think you are you a playful parent? Why or why not?
4. What is one thing you could do this (day, week, month) to become a more playful parent?
Looking forward to hearing from you… Michelle
P.S. For more information about this book, Playful Parenting, please see my post for 2/13/09. Happy Reading!
Playful Parenting
Currently, I am reading:
Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen, PhD
(click on title for more info)
Publisher Comments: Winner of the 2001 NAPPA Gold Award for distinction as a parenting resource book, “Playful Parenting” offers an exciting new approach to raising children. Have you ever stepped back to watch what really goes on when your children play? As psychologist Lawrence Cohen points out, play is every child’s way of exploring the world, communicating deep feelings, getting close to those they care about, working through stress, and simply blowing off steam. In “Playful Parenting,” Dr. Cohen discusses how to get down on the floor and join children on their own terms, in ways that will help nurture close connections, solve behavior problems, and encourage confidence — whether it’s gazing deep into a baby’s eyes, playing chase with a toddler, fantasy play with a grade-schooler, or reducing a totally cool teenager to helpless laughter.
I hope you will read along with me…and please post your thoughts on this book here. I look forward to hearing from all of you other ordinary devoted mothers out there…
Best Wishes, Michelle
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